Gifts for the new baby…

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This cartoon is soooo hilarious and accurate.

Did you hire anyone to assist you after your birth? Which did you find the MOST helpful? Did you hire them for subsequent births, or only the first?
It is so funny how many “THINGS” we think we need with the first baby, then we actually give birth and find out what we reallllly need. Haha!

Diapers. Milk. Sling. Clothes. and HELP!

 

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*happy babywearing*
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BABY #9!

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Well… the news is out… PAXmommy Jillian is expecting Baby Number NINE sometime in July 2017!!!
#weneedanewhashtag

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*happy babywearing*
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Waiting

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***Please take caution when reading this heartfelt post; you may be triggered if you have been affected by pregnancy loss.
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Now that you have tried to make a baby, there’s the endless two week wait while you wrestle with the inner turmoil and emotional personal disputes not limited to “was now the right time?” “should we have waited?” “am I ready?” “are WE ready?” “what will I do if we are pregnant?” “what will I do if we’re NOT pregnant.” For me, having lost our eighth baby in May but knowing for 21 days before I started bleeding that the early birth was imminent, my current wait for my period to start is causing PTSD style flashbacks. A few months ago I was hanging onto each moment with my baby and trying not to lose my mind in grief. Here I am today, hoping for the best, but expecting nothing, and reliving each day of my loss while I carefully check my toilet paper (ok, you got me! family cloth!) for a trace of blood or ANY clue as to why I am now 2 days late without a positive on my pregnancy tests. Speaking of which, I ordered a stack of 100 cheapies from Amazon when we decided that September would be our first TRY month! I love the cheap sticks because I can pee away without worrying about the money; I limited myself to 1 a day but quickly progressed to 2. Given the fact that I am crying at the latest episode of This Is Us, craving eggs (I’m a VEGAN!), and I suddenly think that coffee tastes gross, I want to believe that I am pregnant and my HCG levels just aren’t caught up yet. But on the other hand, I have become a public crier since losing my Blaise in May, my friend Guin has been hooking us up with amazing happy eggs from her backyard chickens, and at PAXretreat I was treated to amazing cappuccino every day so ordinary coffee is kind of gross in comparison. So maybe these aren’t symptoms as much as they are just part of being me.

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The thoughts that go through my mind every time I step into the bathroom to pee on ANOTHER stick are :
You just bribed your other kids to stay downstairs with some gluten free cookies and a science based show on Netflix so that you could go in the bathroom and cry. This is a new low.

You can’t even go to the bathroom without at least one child sitting in your lap. How will you fit your belly in here too??

If you pee on your hand one more time while aiming for the pee stick….

And my personal favorite, your baby is finally sleeping through the night and 100% potty trained except the occasional accident. WHY ON EARTH would you want to start all over?

But the thoughts that go through my mind each time I pee on another stick and see that negative sticking its tongue out at me are :
You have peed on 10 sticks in the last 3 days; just wait and see.

You are the most impatient person I know.

You need to drink more water; your pee isn’t clear!

You need to calm down, and focus on the 7 little blessings waiting for you downstairs, covered with cookie crumbs and filled with new Science facts to share with you.

You need to accept with grace whatever happens this month.

Next month is another cycle, another chance for the baby that YOU KNOW you are meant to hold in your arms.

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But let me tell you, the wait is so stressful, and the associations I can give every odd event make my emotions swing wildly within minutes. I took 2 naps yesterday; I MUST be pregnant! I don’t feel like eating; I MUST NOT be pregnant! My breasts hurt; I MUST be pregnant! I have high highs and low lows like PMS; I MUST NOT be pregnant! My belly is sticking out even though I’m not eating much and exercising daily; I MUST be pregnant!

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Now add to this emotional rollercoaster the guilt that I feel for closing the story of my 8th baby, and wanting to try again for #9. Did I give her tiny life enough respect. Have I taught the kids well that though they never got to meet their baby sister, she counts as one of their siblings. Was I a good enough mom to my Blaise during our 15 weeks together.  Am I ready to share my love with someone new.  Am I ready to be pregnant again, count the weeks again, and hold my breath until we pass that 15 week mark when I gave birth last. Will my body be ready in 36ish weeks to be healthy, and my mind to be whole and focused and not remembering the pain and suffering that a year beforehand brought me to my hardest birth. Can I give a new baby the grace to not replace my Blaise, but to be another love of my life, not detracting from my previous experience, but adding a new bud to the beautiful bouquet of lives, deaths, and memories that I hold in my heart.
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Am I strong enough? Am I mom enough? Time will tell.
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Farewell, PAXmommy Christina!

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It’s been a lovely, busy and amazing 4 years working with PAXmommy Christina! She first asked me about being part of the PAXbaby team on a sunny afternoon while we were watching our baby boys climb clumsily on a local playground. I needed the help so I accepted her invitation gladly, and it’s been non stop fun since! A zillion birthday parties, pedicures, BBQs, new babies, and late night work sessions later, it’s time for us to say goodbye to PAXmommy Christina and let her her spread her wings! She is a doula, Bradley instructor and placenta encapsulator when she’s not being a full time mama to 4 little ones and has touched many with her beautiful presence!
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Thank you, Christina, for gracing PAXbaby.com with your steady peace, your constant patience, your loving nature and your deep babywearing knowledge. We will miss you, we love you, and we can’t wait to see where your bright wings take you!
With love, jillian and the PAXmoms

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*happy babywearing*

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National Fertility Awareness

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Yesterday  kicked off National Infertility Awareness Week 2016. The theme this year is #StartAsking. As words aren’t always adequate, a simple heart will do. For each loss, you can share a blue heart, if you’re currently still walking this infertility path, a yellow heart, and for each child in your life, a red heart. Share this post with your friends and #StartAsking, raising awareness for all. Hope we may find comfort in discovering we are not alone.

BIG LOVE to all of you!!!

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*happy babywearing*
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WE <3 Placenta Pills!!

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We could go on & on about the benefits of placenta encapsulation : postpartum recovery, natural milk stimulant, added dietary iron, etc!!! The ingestion of one’s placenta has been used by Traditional Chinese Medicine for centuries, but here in the United States, it is still a relatively new & *shocking* trend! Ask any mother who has compared postpartum experiences with & without the help of her placenta, you will hear glowing reviews! Read more at Placenta Benefits http://placentabenefits.info/index.asp or ask at PAXbaby.com!!!!

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*happy babywearing*

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Congratulations, PAXmommy Christina!!

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Let’s show PAXmommy Christina some L <3 V E!!!!! She welcomed her beautiful baby boy last night and we are over the moon (rainbow??)!!!!

Name and details to be announced at a later date!

Happy babymooning!!!

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*happy babywearing*

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PAXmommy Brianna’s Happily Ever After

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Goodbye to PAXmommy Brianna!

To every story there is a beautiful beginning and a happily ever after, and for PAXmommy Brianna, her dream come true has happened! As of this week, she is the owner of a sweet baby boutique in San Diego called Buddha Baby, and also of this week, she won’t be working with PAXbaby as a PAXmom anymore! As sad as we are to see her go, all the PAXmoms wish her so much luck with her new adventure; the local community is so blessed to have such an avid knowledgeable babywearing educator to help spread the love!

Please join us in sending Brianna and Buddha Baby much love!!!

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*happy babywearing*

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Happy International Day of the Midwife!

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Today is International Day of the Midwife, so we should not let that go by without some fanfare!!!

The PAXmommies have been so lucky and so blessed to have some of the best midwives around!!!

Thank you for looking after our families so well!

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*happy babywearing*

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International Doula Week

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It’s International Doula Week, and since a few of our PAXmoms are doulas, we wanted to share this amazing meme with you!

Please feel free to post and share as well! Birth is a passion of PAXmommy Jillian’s and birth photography is the best of both worlds coinciding into one perfect moment! Thank you, PAXfriend Gabrielle for this <3

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*happy babywearing*

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