PAXbaby.com
PAXbaby.com
*graphic birth story*
Yesterday morning I finished Blaise’s pregnancy with the intense birth of my placenta.
What I endured last Saturday in San Diego was the birthing of our baby’s sac and cord. It was deflated and withered just like the ultrasound had shown, but I had assumed that the large blood clots and small bits of tissue that came out that day as well was all the placenta we would be able to see since development stopped so many weeks earlier. May 21 will be considered to be Blaise’s birthday since her sac was born the day of May’s Blue Moon.
After the PAXplaydate on May 25, I came home in a lot of pain but chalked it up to having had too much activity. Within a few hours I realized that this pain was not just cramping but very real, very intense birthing contractions about 4 minutes apart and spiking with gushes of blood. I let the PAXmoms know I wouldn’t be able to continue working that night, and Aaron helped me out of my bed into the bathroom because I was losing so much blood. For the next 4 hours I labored; this was one of my most challenging births physically, and definitely my hardest mentally, not knowing what exactly to expect and then also understanding that at the end of all the pain, I would not have a precious baby to hold and “make it all better!” Aaron called our midwife and doula at around 2 in the morning, but we ended up having an unassisted home birth of the placenta at 2:30. It seemed as though the placenta continued to grow even when our baby hadn’t been, so it was quite sizable at 14 weeks 6 days old. Our midwife was very concerned about the amount of blood I had lost and afterwards when I was dizzy and feeling nauseous, we decided that “bedrest” through the weekend would be best. Replenishing my body with iron rich foods would help build back up my platelets, so here I am back in bed, processing my full birth experience and grieving the baby that will never be here in my arms.
A wonderful local friend is photographing our placenta and making a print to frame, then it will be buried alongside Blaise’s sac and cord under our beautiful magnolia tree. Over the last few weeks, you have all shown us so much love and support; I appreciate it more than you know. It has been extremely healing for me to be able to share Blaise’s short but powerful life with you, and hearing your lost babies’ stories has helped too! Thank you, friends; much love to each of you as I recover from being ?#?pregnantnotpregnant? <3
