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Dear Jillian,
I’m Anna from Budapest,Hungary. I wrote you a comment on IG (@szannae), about thank you for inspiring me. But I think that’s not even close to enough.
Me and my baby boy had a really painful birth story. Long story short,after two days of contractions,being alone in hospital,without my husband, I was allowed to call my family, then the doctor gave me enema,epidural (I asked for it because after two days I was exhausted and I really wanted to have a small piece of break to have strength to push),pitocin and he broke my water. Then I felt that I have to push. They told me what to do, I was so happy, I knew that I’ll meet my baby in a few minutes. Then the doctor said something’s wrong, let’s go to the surgery… So that’s it.
They didn’t even show me the baby, they took him immediately to wash him. I saw him for a few seconds after that but then they took him away for 7 hours! Just because that’s the protocoll. I cried constantly in the hospital. My milk came in just on the 5th day. He was mostly on formula for almost 3 months. I had supply problems, I pumped and nursed, pumped and nursed. My baby and I were so unhappy. I felt I failed. I wasn’t able to give birth naturally and to feed him.
Then I found loads of blogs of wonderful mummas all over the world, sharing their stories. And it gave me hope that I can do this.
You, Jillian, gave me the idea of wearing him in a ring sling (in this country it’s not very common…) and a I’ve read a lot of posts so I decided to quit pumping, I grabbed the baby and didn’t get out of bed for almost two weeks. I nursed/wore him 24-7. And after that two weeks we never used bottle again. I realized that the key was not pumping or any medicines..it was the silence, the intimate days of constant cuddles. It was locking the world,the doctors,the bad advice out. And just focusing on my baby and me. That helped me not to cry always when I thought about birth or the first 7 hours of knowing nothing about him… Here, attachment parenting is not very common. Parenting traditions are way too old-school. And every third birth ends in cesarean.
So that’s why I found so much relief in your posts! I cannot even thank you enough for helping me and my baby boy to not just survive the first months, but healing enough to find joy and happiness in being with each other. I thank you oh so much, all of you, wonderful mummas, sharing your thoughts, experiences, now I know, I’m not alone.
I hope you all the best!
And for Jillian, special thanks for transforming me into a babywearing-addict.
With love and respect,
Sincerely, Anna
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